I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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