margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
