i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
