That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Pants are for mortals
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
