its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
