Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
