i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize