I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
