please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
