Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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