I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
