Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
COCAINE IS GR8
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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