I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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