I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
