What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
