Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
