Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
