When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize