remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
