my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
