she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
