so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
