just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
