I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
