he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
