At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
