At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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