High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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