I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
