Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He felt like a one man threesome
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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