There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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