i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
