Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
