He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Just high enough for therapy.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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