ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
