So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
