Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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