It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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