so explain again why im purple
no
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
