Don't you send me to vm
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
