both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
