i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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