There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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