We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
