shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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