i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
