It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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