Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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