mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
