I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
