Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You have to summon your inner elephant
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
