I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
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