She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
