I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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