Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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