you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize