you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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