she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
