i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
