was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
