i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm getting married
To pizza
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
