Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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