I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
