I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
