There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Mom said you looked used
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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