I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
