arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
