..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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