i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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