Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
