She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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