legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
