Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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