Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize