I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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