Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
