You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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