The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
And then my night got REAL pukey
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
