Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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