he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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