I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
