we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
