She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
