Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
