Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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