You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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