I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
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