hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
