How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
