I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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