Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He shit in the fireplace
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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