He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
