Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
