I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
