Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
