So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
