It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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