After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
